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Name your number with a straight face, then laugh with them afterwards. You're worth what you're worth. Send this to the friend who still undercharges. Much love. #confessionsofalifecoach

Today's video we'll be doing it a little bit differently because I want to talk about change and I want to be able to draw you some pictures. So the question I want to tackle is what drives us to change or to grow? And there are only really two things. The one is pain and the other one is possibility. If the pain of staying the same is big enough then we can change, we can grow. Or if the vision of the future is strong enough it can pull us towards change and growing. We can stay exactly here because it's comfy. This is the comfort zone. So the comfort zone is you getting on the train where you know exactly someone else is responsible for driving the train. You know exactly where you're going because the train stays on the track. It's not possible because the train can only go where the train tracks have been built and you built the train track, you built the train and now you are on the train. That's often what people experience as a midlife crisis when they feel like things are supposed to be great. My work is fine. My health is fine. My relationships are fine. But I have a yearning for more. You are on the train. So what you can do is you can decide on a new future. But for now I want you to understand, for you to reach the new future, the different future, means you have to build new tracks to take you towards that new future. But that is just setting you up to get stuck on the train again. So what I rather recommend you do is when the train track reaches its end, let's imagine that's where it ends, you've reached the ocean. This is the ocean of potential and possibility. There's no boat coming to pick you up here. You build the boat. And it's way more scary to do this than to stay on the train. But there's adventure here. We often think the fear is about failure. But I think for many, many of us, the bigger fear is the embarrassment. Are you on a train towards your old future? Or are you in a midlife mastery process where you're building a new train track. Or are you on the boat, on the ocean of possibility. And this is the last thing. The future anchor. Building something that you can chuck out into the future that anchors you. And the anchor is the dream, the vision you have. The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ JOIN ME LIVE The WOEMA workshop, a live workshop with me: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/woema/ Wednesday mornings, 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Thursdays, 8:30 a.m. SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/ MORE VIDEOS The four voices in your head: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuumaYtEeEY Three burnout warning signs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_KtI1Ymz-U Stuck in a pretty good life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA Why we lose momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk What regret is actually for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1WDGperNKU The Getting Unstuck series, five videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYr4VXEPUU5o The loop that keeps you stuck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE What you are really avoiding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI Starting when everything feels too much: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY Choosing when you cannot be certain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln10DW4kbko Getting stuck again, and coming back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWQNvOCifPQ CHAPTERS 00:00 Only two things drive change 00:48 The comfort zone 01:01 The train to your old future 01:47 My work is fine, but I want more 02:17 A new future needs new tracks 03:17 The ocean of potential and possibility 04:27 Risk and adventure 05:43 The bigger fear is embarrassment 06:12 Train, new track, or boat? 06:46 The future anchor MORE Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com I am Francois Esterhuizen. I work with capable, responsible people who are stuck somewhere that does not respond to more effort. This channel is where that work happens in public.

Hope is a wonderful thing, and so is hearing the actual answer. Laugh at yourself a little. Send this to the one who says we'll see. Much love. #confessionsofalifecoach

The photo lasts a second. The rest is real life, and that's the good part. You're doing enough. Send this to a parent who needs a laugh today. Much love. #confessionsofalifecoach

One point is still a point. Celebrate the small ones, loudly, with people who laugh with you. Don't take yourself so seriously. Send this to your padel partner. Much love. #confessionsofalifecoach

Four voices answer when you ask why you're stuck. Only one of them helps. FREE - the RUT Diagnostic, three minutes: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Watch next, stuck in a pretty good life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA Why are we so hard on ourselves, and why doesn't it help? And when you stop being hard on yourself, why doesn't that help either? When something isn't working in your life, when you're not making progress on the thing that matters, you ask yourself why. And I think one of four voices talks. Three of them will keep you exactly where you are, and might even make it worse. I would like you to be able to tell them apart. The judge aims internally and it shames you. You're useless. You're lazy. The judge puts labels on you, and labels are heavy to carry with you. The cheerleader aims externally and it blames. It's because of this person, it's because of these circumstances. Even when the blame is valid, it doesn't help. Blaming is not taking responsibility. The comforter is very caring, but it excuses you. It's okay, you did enough, try again tomorrow. Sometimes it shows up through gratitude, which is also a very good hiding place. If you're hard on yourself and you've been told to be kinder to yourself, what usually happens is that you swap the judge for one of the other two. It feels better, but nothing changes. The fourth voice is the coach. When the judge asks why can't you, the coach asks how can you. Try it like this next time. Tomorrow do this. Do, notice, adjust. For nearly all of us, this is the voice that we need to develop. There's a way to check which voice is talking. Does this voice create the emotions that help me show up the way I want to show up? And there's something to try over the next few days. The next time you catch yourself asking why am I not further along, stop and listen to who answers. Then ask the coach's two questions. What is the actual reason, and how can I address it? The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ JOIN ME LIVE Wednesday mornings, 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Thursdays, 8:30 a.m. SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/ MORE VIDEOS Stuck in a pretty good life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA Why we lose momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk What regret is actually for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1WDGperNKU The Getting Unstuck series, five videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYr4VXEPUU5o The loop that keeps you stuck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE What you are really avoiding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI Starting when everything feels too much: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY Choosing when you cannot be certain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln10DW4kbko Getting stuck again, and coming back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWQNvOCifPQ CHAPTERS 00:00 Why are we so hard on ourselves? 00:31 The judge 01:37 The cheerleader 02:50 The comforter 04:24 Shames, blames, excuses 05:00 The actual reasons 05:22 The coach 06:14 Which voice is talking? 06:44 Something to try MORE Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com I am Francois Esterhuizen. I work with capable, responsible people who are stuck somewhere that does not respond to more effort. This channel is where that work happens in public.

The dip is the boring part. It's where you have to do the same thing over and over again, long after it stopped being exciting. When you lose all of that, you still have to keep going, until you reach that last bit where it picks up again. Full episode, Why We Lose Momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk Free, three minutes: the RUT Diagnostic tells you which groove you are stuck in. https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/

Three burnout warning signs you walk past, and what to do this week. FREE - the RUT Diagnostic, three minutes: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Watch next, stuck in a pretty good life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA In this video I explore burnout, and I start with two questions. What specific burnout warning signs should we pay attention to? Which red flags should we watch out for? Because you might still be functioning, you're getting things done, and the problems are already present beneath the surface. Here are three of the signs I see working with people. Your exhaustion doesn't change after rest: you sleep eight hours and wake up tired, you take the weekend off and Monday feels the same as Friday. It takes a week to start your holiday: physically you're on the beach, mentally you're still in the office. And you dread getting in trouble: a low, constant feeling that you've missed something, so every message and notification feels extremely urgent. Then I go back a step. Do you judge yourself for being tired? Nothing's wrong with you. What actually needs attention is your boundaries. So the question changes from how do I manage my workload to what am I so afraid of. You're not replying to emails to be useful. You are replying to stop yourself from being found out. Three things you can do, very practical. Turn off all your notifications. Structure your checking: pick your times, let's say nine, one o'clock, five o'clock. And notice what happens in the gap. Don't fix it. Don't act on it. Just notice it. I also answer the objection I get almost every time I share this: but you don't understand my boss. Just for this coming week, try it. Instead of turning yourself into toast by burning out, rather treat your inbox like toast. The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ JOIN ME LIVE Wednesday mornings, 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Thursdays, 8:30 SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/ MORE VIDEOS Stuck in a pretty good life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA Why we lose momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk What regret is actually for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1WDGperNKU The Getting Unstuck series, five videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYr4VXEPUU5o The loop that keeps you stuck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE What you are really avoiding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI Starting when everything feels too much: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY Choosing when you cannot be certain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln10DW4kbko Getting stuck again, and coming back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWQNvOCifPQ CHAPTERS 00:00 Burnout warning signs 00:32 Your exhaustion doesn't change after rest 00:50 It takes a week to start your holiday 01:52 You dread getting in trouble 02:44 Before you burn out: boundaries 04:47 What am I so afraid of? 05:58 Step one: notifications off 07:41 Step two: structure your checking 08:18 Step three: notice what happens in the gap 09:26 The fire alarm and the toast 10:15 But you don't understand my boss 13:08 Just for this coming week MORE Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com I am Francois Esterhuizen. I work with capable, responsible people who are stuck somewhere that does not respond to more effort. This channel is where that work happens in public.

We avoid looking in the mirror because we're afraid of what we might find and what the things we find might mean. In a career change the mirror is the question you have not written down yet. Why do I actually want a different job? What am I hoping the new job will fix? If you don't sit down and look at those questions, you'll keep reaching for other things instead. Full episode, Why We Lose Momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk Free, three minutes: the RUT Diagnostic tells you which groove you are stuck in. https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/

It's like you've got this big bucket and you keep pouring your effort into it, but the levels stay the same. So you start explaining it to yourself. Maybe my energy is leaking out somewhere. Maybe it's a waste of time. Whatever your example is, you will find a way to go back to the start. Full episode, Why We Lose Momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk Free, three minutes: the RUT Diagnostic tells you which groove you are stuck in. https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/

The amount of information you can reach now is so massive that there is always a new angle, a new approach, a new understanding of your problem. And we get addicted to learning about the new way instead of applying any one of them, including the ones you already know. Full episode, Why We Lose Momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk Free, three minutes: the RUT Diagnostic tells you which groove you are stuck in. https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/

Momentum works like a smile. It starts high, you've decided, you're excited. Then you come down a steep slope into a dip, and that dip is where we lose momentum. If you keep going through the dip you get to the other side, and your momentum picks up again. High at the start, low in the middle, high at the end. Full episode, Why We Lose Momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk Free, three minutes: the RUT Diagnostic tells you which groove you are stuck in. https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/