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#44 Becoming Sherlock Holmes

Have you noticed that during conflict you usually feel mad or sad, or sometimes even both? But it is not as simple as that.

These emotions that we can see externally are often only clues to bigger and more complex true emotions internally.

What do I mean by that?

When I look mad on the outside, inside I might actually feel...

  • misunderstood

  • rejected

  • unimportant

  • abandoned

  • neglected

  • humiliated

This list can just go on and on, but the only clue on the outside will be that I'm angry. Anger is often a way to hide these more vulnerable emotions, and in its most extreme form, it becomes rage.

I can look sad on the outside while inside I feel…

  • lonely

  • guilty

  • disappointed

  • inferior

  • powerless

  • desperate

In its extreme form, this sadness becomes hysteria.

Instead of being a slave to your emotions during conflict, use this uncomfortable situation to become deeply curious about yourself.

The first question you have to ask when you feel mad or sad is:

“What do I truly feel? What is the real underlying emotion?”

This can be very hard because the vocabulary we have for our emotions is very limited. When we are able to put a specific label on what we are truly feeling, it becomes the doorway to our deepest needs.

Sad or mad leads us to our true emotion, and our true emotion leads us to our deepest needs. And believe me when I say that the more you understand your true emotions and take responsibility for the needs underlying these emotions, the happier and more liberated you'll be.

Are you curious about discovering your true emotions and your deepest needs? Consider joining the Clarity Quest, my couples program or one of my upcoming workshops.

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