Why do people fall out of love?

The simple answer is: we fall out of love because that is the only way for us to start learning how to really love. Being in love - or romantic love - has its place, but it's very different from true love.

Why do I feel overwhelmed when I try to start?

Because you lift the whole project every time you think about it. The mind keeps every unfinished thing half-loaded, so one thought pulls in every step, problem and risk at once. The weight you feel is the carrying, not the task itself.

What is the next visible move?

The smallest concrete action your hands know what to do with: email one person, clear one drawer, read one statement. If you could not start it within two minutes of deciding to, it is still too big. Cut it in half until your shoulders drop.

How do I start when everything feels like too much?

Name the thing on paper, choose the next visible move, then decide once in advance: tie the move to a moment your day already contains, like the first coffee. When the moment arrives there is nothing left to negotiate, and a started task pulls you back.

#99 How to Start When You Feel Overwhelmed

Francois Esterhuizen
7 days ago
3 min read

You sit down to start, and all of it arrives at once. The finances, the admin behind the finances, the conversations behind the admin. Your chest goes tight before you have done anything at all.

I made a full video on this. Watch it here, or keep reading for the short version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY

Driving at night

Have you ever driven at night on a long road? Your headlights show you maybe sixty metres, and you can drive the whole way like that. Hundreds of kilometres through the dark, seeing only the next stretch. You never see the destination from the driver's seat, and you still arrive.

Now notice what you are doing with the thing that overwhelms you. You are trying to make the entire journey appear in your headlights at once: every step, every problem, everything that could go wrong, lit up before you are willing to pull out of the driveway. Nobody can drive that way.

The weight is the carrying, not the task

Your mind keeps every unfinished thing half-loaded. Each open item runs a little engine in the background; it is why the undone thing finds you at two in the morning. That is not a fault. It is your mind making sure nothing gets dropped. Nothing's wrong with you.

But when you think about your big thing, the business, the house, the health, you do not think about one piece of it. You lift all of it, every time, just by thinking about it. That is the weight you feel. Lifting it is what exhausts you, not the work.

The next visible move

There is the whole thing, and there is the next visible move. The whole thing is the business; the next visible move is emailing one person who has done it before. The whole thing is the chaotic house; the next visible move is clearing one drawer. Sort out my life is not a move. It is a direction, and you cannot do a direction.

The test: could you start it within two minutes of deciding to? If not, it is still too big. Cut it in half. Cut it in half again, until something in your shoulders drops. That drop is your body telling you the move is now next-sized.

Decide once

We usually leave the decision for the moment itself, which means interrupting your day, feeling the resistance at full volume, and choosing the hard thing anyway. That is not a plan. That is a negotiation with yourself, scheduled for the exact moment you are weakest.

So decide once, in advance, and tie the move to a moment your day already contains. When I pour my first coffee, I open the document. When the kids are in bed, I clear the one drawer. When the moment arrives there is nothing left to decide; you are keeping an appointment made by a calmer version of you.

One more thing happens once you begin, and it matters. An unstarted task only weighs. A started task pulls. Begin a thing, even for five minutes, and your mind wants to go back and continue it. You do not need to push the whole way. You need to start the pull.

And if the overwhelm is part of a larger stuckness, map it. The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and shows you which groove holds you: Routine, Uncertainty or Trance. It is free.