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Blog: Blog2

#40 What a load of BS

Have you ever felt that there’s gotta be more to life? It is not necessarily a feeling of discontent with your current situation, but rather a yearning for more. The nagging feeling that you have more untapped potential, more to give, and more to experience.

We sometimes feel like the present chapter in our lives has run its course. We feel like there is a next chapter lying ahead - however big or small. This new chapter that we want is a next step or leap in the journey toward our Big Dream. This discontent with the status quo may sound something like this:

“There is more to me…”

“I have more potential…”

“There’s got to me more to life…”

Why don’t you have this “more” that you want?

My question to you today is, why are you not living in the next chapter?

The simple answer is that you have what you have now, because of who you have been up to now.

Maybe you didn’t know what you wanted because you haven’t thought about it. Maybe you have thought about it, but you have not allowed yourself to want it. Maybe you have figured out what you want, but not why. In this case, you will lack the motivation to go for what you want, especially when the going gets a bit hard and you hit a ceiling of effort.

Or maybe it is just a load of BS?

BS as in Blaming and Shaming. BS is helping you stay in the small, safe and comfortable space that you have created for yourself in the present. BS is keeping you small within this space. BS is also keeping you from becoming someone who knows what she wants. BS is keeping you from going bigger and digging into more of your potential.

Let’s unpack this BS.


Who are you blaming? What are you blaming?

Sometimes we blame our current situation or circumstances:

“Where am I supposed to find the time to do that?”

Or we blame our recent or distant past:

“My parents were like this, that is why I am like this…”

We could even blame the future. We have not even started going for what we want, but we’ve already decided that it will be too hard:

“How am I supposed to… get that kind of job, be that person, have a relationship?”

“I am fifty, do I have to start studying now?”

These arguments may sound reasonable, but it ultimately becomes a limiting belief.


Sometimes shaming will present itself as the voice of an inner judge that gives you a reason to stay in the small little box where you live now:

“You are useless, ugly, dumb…”

Shaming can also take the form of subtle questions:

“Why does nothing ever work out for me?”

“Why don’t people understand me?”

And a very common and sneaky one: ”What’s wrong with me?”

You can also shame your past, your present or your future:

Future: “I can’t start studying now - I have lost the ability to learn! The future that I am aiming for - the next chapter will be too hard. I am not capable of writing and creating this future.”

Past: “I have always been. .. I have never been good at…”

Present: “I am so anxious. I am so overwhelmed right now.”

Do you recognise the BS in your own mind? These thought patterns have become second nature and you have started thinking that this is who you are. These things you say or think about yourself have become so habitual, you have started to believe that they are true. You become a victim of these thoughts because they keep you from writing and living a new chapter.

How do you break free from your current situation and move to the next chapter?

There are so many ways, but let’s chat about one of them today: changing your belief system.

Look at the person in the present chapter. What are their actions? Their thoughts? How are they feeling? What do they believe?

Now ask yourself, what is the person living in the next chapter like? How do they act? What behaviours do they repeat week after week, month after month? What are they thinking and feeling?

What do they believe? What is their response to the BS thoughts?

You have what you have now, because of who you have been up to now. This means that you can also move to the next chapter by becoming the person who fills up that bigger space.

If you want to move to the next chapter on your way to your Big Dream, you have to start by answering this question: who do I need to become to fill up this new space? Then drown out the blaming and shaming and become that person.

If you feel like it is time to move to the next chapter, but are not quite sure how to take the next step? Consider joining the Clarity Quest or joining one of my upcoming workshops.

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