#75 How Misaligned Beliefs Keep You Stuck and How to Realign Your Life

Many people try harder when they feel stuck, thinking effort will fix misalignment. But the real issue isn’t motivation, it’s belief. In this post, Francois Esterhuizen explains how to realign your underlying beliefs with your desired identity so progress becomes effortless.

Have you ever driven a car with the wheel alignment completely out?

You know the feeling. You’re holding the steering wheel straight, but the car constantly pulls to one side. To stay on course, you have to apply continuous, subtle pressure in the opposite direction. It’s a constant, low-grade battle. It’s tiring. Over time, that unseen friction doesn't just exhaust you; it wears down your tyres unevenly, making the entire vehicle less effective.

This is a precise metaphor for why so many of us struggle to achieve our most important goals.

We set a destination (a new business venture, a deeper relationship, a healthier lifestyle) but still find ourselves in a constant fight just to stay on track.

We attribute the struggle to a lack of willpower, discipline, or motivation. We believe the solution is to grip the wheel tighter, to try harder.

But the problem isn't your effort. The problem is your alignment.

The real source of resistance

The "wheel alignment" of your life is your underlying belief system. These are the core assumptions you hold about yourself, about the world, and about how things work. They operate silently in the background, dictating the default direction of your life.

If your beliefs are not aligned with your stated goals, you will experience internal resistance.

• You want to build a thriving business, but you believe that wanting more money is somehow greedy or wrong.

• You want a deeply connected relationship, but you believe that you must numb your own needs to keep the peace.

• You want to step into a leadership role, but you believe that pressure is inherently bad and should be avoided at all costs.

Each of these is an example of misaligned beliefs. They are the internal "burdens" that create the friction. You can have the clearest of goals, but if your internal alignment is pulling you in another direction, every step forward will feel like an uphill battle. You’ll find yourself going through the motions, feeling stuck, or wondering why you keep ending up in the same place, just more exhausted.

From battling to becoming

The work of achieving meaningful change isn't about setting more goals or developing more complex strategies. It’s about identity. It’s about asking: Who do I need to become to make this goal a natural outcome?

Shifting your identity begins with uncovering and challenging the beliefs that are holding you in place. It's a process of remembering who you actually are beneath the layers of self-limiting assumptions.

This requires a fundamental shift in perspective:

1. Identify the want: Get crystal clear on the destination. Not just the external achievement, but the identity associated with it. Instead of "I want to start a business," it becomes "I am a decisive business owner who creates value."

2. Identify the burden: Pinpoint the underlying belief that is pulling you off course. What is the internal assumption that makes the journey harder? This might sound like, "I believe I have to sacrifice my well-being to be successful," or "I believe I'm not the kind of person who can handle pressure."

3. Correct the alignment: Consciously choose a new belief that supports your desired identity. This isn’t about empty affirmations. It’s about adopting a new operational framework. The belief "pressure is bad" can be reframed to "pressure is an opportunity for growth." The belief "I can't be a present father and have control" becomes "I find presence in chaos."

When your beliefs are aligned with your identity, your actions follow naturally. The constant need to correct your course disappears. Staying on track becomes your default state, not a continuous struggle.

Take action

This week, pick one important goal where you feel a consistent sense of resistance.

Instead of focusing on the external obstacles, look inward.

• What is the identity you are trying to step into? Write it down as a clear "I am..." statement.

• What is the underlying belief (the burden) that is creating friction? Be honest with yourself. What quiet assumption is pulling you in the opposite direction?

• What new, empowering belief must you adopt to correct your alignment?

Stop fighting the steering wheel. The real work is in the alignment. Get that right, and you will find that the journey forward is not only more effective but profoundly easier.

Francois Esterhuizen is a clarity and leadership coach based in Stellenbosch, helping clients realign beliefs, identity, and action through the Tree of Clarity framework.