#73 Why Waiting for the Perfect Answer Keeps You Stuck and How to Move Forward

Many people stay trapped in decision loops because they fear rejection, discomfort, or making the wrong choice. In this article, Francois Esterhuizen explains how taking small, controlled actions restores clarity and momentum.

Many competent professionals find themselves intellectually clear on their goals but practically paralysed. They are stuck in a decision loop, endlessly weighing options, calculating risks, and waiting for a perfect, risk-free path to reveal itself.

This state of inaction is often mistaken for diligence. It feels like responsible analysis, but it is a sophisticated form of procrastination. The feeling of being stuck is an internal state that we perpetuate by avoiding the responsibility for making a choice. The loop is comfortable; it protects you from the perceived dangers of commitment, rejection, and failure, but it keeps you stagnant.

When you say, "I lack clarity," what you are often avoiding is not the decision, but the cost of the decision. The uncertainty you feel is not about the destination, but the potential pain of the journey.

The Real Fears Behind the Fog

The Fear of Rejection 

You might want to explore a new industry by shadowing someone in that field, but you feel stuck because you don't know how to find the right contacts.

The real barrier, however, isn't finding contacts; it's a fear of rejection, the potential embarrassment of making a call and being told "no". The mental loop keeping you stuck is, "I don't know who to call, so I can't act."

The solution isn't to wait for a warm introduction, but to take responsibility for the part of the process you can control:

• Make a list of five target companies.

• Write a simple, direct script for the call.

• Block out time for when you will make the calls.

• Honour your commitment to yourself and make the calls at the scheduled time.

By focusing on the process (the action) instead of the outcome (their response), you are able to move forward.

The Fear of a Difficult Conversation 

Difficult conversations are often avoided not because of the topic itself, but our fear of the other person's reaction. We get stuck anticipating a negative response, replaying worst-case scenarios, especially when sharing a vulnerable or challenging personal truth.

At the core of this hesitation is the common understanding of trust. We are taught that trust must be "earned" by others and can be "broken" by them. This framework places power entirely outside our control, making us passive observers. You remain perpetually blocked, waiting for someone else to prove themselves worthy before you can engage openly.

A more empowering framework shifts that perspective:

This changes the dynamic completely:

1. Trust becomes a choice: You decide whether to trust someone, and to what extent. It is an action you take, not a reward you bestow. If you withhold trust, you own that choice rather than blaming the other person for not earning it.

2. You separate your action from their reaction: When you choose to share something vulnerable, you are taking responsibility for your side of the interaction. How they react is about them; their beliefs, their fears, their process. It is their data to process, not a verdict on your worth or the validity of your truth.

3. You are freed to act: By taking their potential reaction out of the equation that determines your action, you are no longer paralysed. You can have the necessary conversation to resolve the open loop in your mind.

This is not about blind trust. It is about consciously deciding what you will trust someone with, and then proceeding without being held hostage by their potential response.

The Fear of Making the 'Wrong' Choice 

It is all too easy to get caught in a cycle of over-analysing your future and remain in a comfortable but unsustainable situation.

• Should you stay where you are or move?

• Should you stick out your hard job for the benefits or take the leap as an entrepreneur?

• How will your choices impact your future family plans?

These questions, posed without a genuine attempt to answer them, become full stops designed to keep us from venturing into uncomfortable territory. To break this cycle, you must move from vague anxiety to a structured assessment. It requires three distinct steps:

1. Define the Options Clearly

Get the choices out of your head and onto paper. Map out what each path looks like. Clearly articulate what you want and, just as importantly, what you no longer want. For example, "I want challenging work with a team" versus "I do not want to travel weekly."

2. Calculate the Inevitable Cost

Every choice has a price. This is not just financial. If you choose the consultancy path for more family time, the cost might be less hands-on site work that you enjoy. Acknowledge the trade-offs for each option without judgment.

3. Choose and Commit to the Paying the Price In Full

There is often no mathematically "better" choice. There is only the choice you are willing to take responsibility for. Once you have calculated the cost, you must consciously choose one path and commit to paying its price in full. This commitment is what prevents regret.

Take Action

Look at the one area in your life where you feel the most stuck, the most uncertain. The one where you keep telling yourself, "I just lack clarity."

1. Identify the Fear: What is the discomfort you are actually avoiding? Is it the sting of potential rejection? The awkwardness of a vulnerable conversation? The weight of committing to a single path? Name it.

2. Identify Your Controllable Action: Ignore the big, overwhelming outcome. What is the single, smallest, most concrete action you have 100% control over? Is it writing a list of five names? Drafting one email? Blocking out 30 minutes in your calendar to map your choices?

3. Execute: Take that single, small step within the next 24 hours.

Stop waiting for clarity to find you. Take responsibility for the next step and create it yourself.

Francois Esterhuizen is a life and leadership coach based in Stellenbosch, guiding clients through the Tree of Clarity framework to turn indecision into purposeful action.