#85 The One Question That Frees You From Past Failures and Perfectionism

Analysing failure often keeps you trapped in it. Francois Esterhuizen explains how replacing “How do I fix this?” with “What will I do differently next time?” breaks the cycle of perfectionism and restores creative freedom.

When an opportunity does not go to plan, is your first instinct to analyse what you did wrong?

For many high-achievers, the answer is an immediate yes.

The natural response is to replay the event, dissect the failure, and create a strategy to fix the mistake for next time.

This process feels productive. It feels responsible.

This is the trap of the imperfect circle. Imagine trying to draw a perfect circle. Your first attempt is rushed and misshapen. Annoyed, you fixate on the flaws. When you try again, you are so focused on not repeating the previous error that you inadvertently trace its ghost, creating another imperfect version. You become stuck in a loop of correction instead of creation.

The question that keeps you stuck

This fixation on "getting it right" is a common reason why people feel stuck. Whether it is a failed sales pitch, a difficult conversation, or a project that did not land, the default question becomes, "How can I fix what was wrong?"

This question, while well-intentioned, puts immense pressure on the outcome. It frames the situation in a binary of right and wrong, success and failure. It forces you into a defensive posture, trying to avoid a past mistake rather than creating a new possibility. It is an approach that stifles experimentation and keeps you playing it safe.

The result? Procrastination, imposter syndrome, and a persistent feeling of being behind. When the goal is perfection, any action feels risky, and it becomes easier to do nothing at all.

A different question for genuine personal growth

Genuine personal growth requires a different approach. It demands that we shift our focus from correction to curiosity.

Instead of asking how to fix the mistake, we need to ask a simpler, more powerful question:

This question fundamentally changes the game. It removes the pressure of perfection and replaces it with an invitation to experiment. "Differently" is not about being better or right; it is about being new. It gives you permission to be playful, to try a new tactic, to show up with a different energy, or to simply observe a situation from a new perspective.

This is particularly potent when dealing with imposter syndrome. The feeling of being an "imposter" comes from the belief that you are not the "right" person or do not have the "right" knowledge. But what if you embraced being an imposter?

What if your value lies in the very fact that you bring something different to the table? By focusing on being different, not right, the fear of not being good enough loses its power.

Your next move

Consider an area where you feel stuck. It could be a recurring professional challenge or an internal hurdle you cannot seem to overcome. Look at the last time you faced it.

Instead of cataloguing what went wrong, ask yourself what you could simply try differently. You do not need a perfect, bulletproof plan. You just need a new starting point. This shift away from fixing the past is the key to creating a different future.

Based in Stellenbosch, Francois Esterhuizen partners online with South Africans across the world as a trusted clarity and leadership coach. Through his work, he helps transform inner resistance into clarity, momentum, and a renewed sense of purpose.