#79 Why You Avoid the Emotions That Could Help You Succeed and How to Use Them for Growth
- Francois Esterhuizen
- Aug 25
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 28
You’re not avoiding the task, you’re avoiding the emotions that come with it.
Francois Esterhuizen explains how resistance isn’t a wall but a doorway, and how moving toward discomfort can dissolve stuckness and unlock momentum.
You have the system.
The schedule is on the wall.
The step-by-step guide is clear.
You know precisely what actions will move you towards what you want.
Yet you still don't take the action you need to make progress.
Why do we knowingly avoid the very process that will lead to our what we want?
This is a common point of friction, and it's rarely a problem of logic or discipline.
The resistance is deeper. It is an unconscious refusal to feel the emotions tied to the actions that truly matter.
The definition of love that unlocks progress
To understand this resistance, it helps to reframe these essential actions. Think of them not as tasks on a to-do list, but as acts of commitment. A better word for this might be love; not as an abstract feeling, but as a practical verb.
Love is to do what is important, even when it is difficult, without it being urgent.
Applying this to your goals might look like this:
Loving your business is making the sales calls you have been avoiding.
Loving your health is going to the doctor for a checkup you're putting off.
Loving your relationship is initiating a difficult conversation about something that matters to both of you.
When you frame the necessary action in this way and think about actually doing it, uncomfortable emotions often surface. For many of the people I've worked with, the big ones are overwhelm, inadequacy, fear, or powerlessness.
This is the point where progress towards an outcome we want usually halts. We stop, not because the task is impossible, but because we're avoiding emotions we don't want to feel.
Your resistance is not a wall, it is a doorway
We treat these uncomfortable emotions as obstacles to be fixed, suppressed, or circumvented.
This is often the source of why you feel stuck.
We see a locked door and search everywhere for a way through, not realising the uncomfortable feeling itself is the key. By fighting the emotion, you give it power and remain trapped by it.
The alternative path is counter-intuitive: move directly into the feeling.
Instead of fighting the overwhelm, allow yourself to feel it completely. Instead of resisting the sense of "I'm not good enough," accept it for a moment.
What often happens is a paradox. Full acceptance of the "negative" state doesn't cement it; it dissolves it.
The person feeling overwhelmed by their business goals accepts the feeling and the acknowledges the underlying belief, "I'm not good enough."
In that acceptance, a strange confidence emerges. The stakes feel lower. The pressure to be perfect releases.
This gives way to a sense of freedom, then peace. The overwhelm is gone.
Taking time to sit with the uncomfortable emotion changed it from a locked door in the way of taking action to a doorway to your next step, without drowning in that intense internal resistance.
Where to from here?
The experience of feeling stuck is a signal. It indicates there is an emotion you are actively resisting. Your energy is being spent trying to force a locked door.
Identify the action you are avoiding. Ask yourself: if I were to take that action right now, what is the primary emotion I would feel?
Do not turn away from it. That emotion is not the lock; it is the key. Stop fighting it. Use it to unlock the door and see what happens when you choose to walk through.
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Francois Esterhuizen is a clarity and leadership coach based in Stellenbosch, working online with South Africans worldwide. He helps individuals and leaders turn emotional resistance into clarity, momentum, and meaningful growth.
