#78 Whose Permission Are You Waiting For and How to Stop Outsourcing Your Authority
- Francois Esterhuizen
- Aug 18
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 28
The feeling of being stuck often isn’t about motivation or opportunity, it’s about waiting for permission you’ll never receive.
Francois Esterhuizen explains how fear of disapproval and outdated identities keep you stuck, and how reclaiming authority starts from within.
What if the feeling of being stuck isn’t about a lack of motivation, skill, or opportunity? What if it’s about waiting for a permission slip you’ll never receive, because the only person who can grant it is you?
It’s a strange question to consider: whose permission are you waiting for?
We rarely think in these terms. We talk about procrastination, fear of failure, or feeling overwhelmed. But beneath these familiar labels often lies a deeper, unexamined dynamic. We are unconsciously waiting for an authority figure, a peer group, or even a past version of ourselves to give us the green light.
The many faces of waiting
This waiting doesn't always look passive. It can be intensely active, disguised as diligent preparation, endless research, or the constant need for more certainty before taking a risk.
It’s the business owner who wants to innovate but hesitates, held back by an unspoken fear of letting his team or clients down if the new venture doesn't succeed. He isn't waiting for a person to say "go"; he's waiting for an imaginary guarantee that no one will be disappointed. He needs permission to risk.
It’s the professional who feels a deep need to take control of their personal finances but is paralysed by the fear of hurting a family member who has always managed it. The permission they’re waiting for isn’t just to act, but to navigate the emotional complexity of taking ownership without causing offence.
And for many, it's the broad, aching desire for "permission to be myself." This is perhaps the most difficult form of permission to grant, because it first requires you to define what that "self" is—not just who you have been, but who you want to become. It means moving toward a life of greater creativity, freedom, and purpose, even if it feels impractical or undefined right now.
From permission to disapproval
If the idea of permission feels too abstract, try this more pointed question:
Whose disapproval do you fear?
This question cuts through the ambiguity. It forces you to name the judges in your internal courtroom. Is it a parent, a partner, your colleagues, or a faceless entity like "society"?
Often, the fear of disapproval is not about a tangible threat. It’s about the potential damage to a carefully constructed identity—what one of my clients powerfully described as "defacing the statue I've built for other people to look at." This statue is the static, predictable version of you that others have come to expect. It feels safe, but it is also a cage. To grow, to change, to take a risk, you must be willing to chip away at that statue. You must be willing to be misunderstood.
Your next move
This isn't about seeking conflict or acting recklessly. It's about developing a clear awareness of the internal narratives that dictate your actions.
The feeling of being stuck is often a symptom of outsourcing your authority. The path forward doesn't begin with a grand gesture, but with a quiet, internal audit.
So, sit with it. Let the question linger. Whose permission are you waiting for? You may find that the voice you need to hear most is your own.
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Francois Esterhuizen is a life and leadership coach based in Stellenbosch, helping individuals reclaim personal authority, clarify identity, and lead with courage.
